Current location:	Apartment, San Jose, CA
Current mood:	calm
Current music:	On Hold music for the Rx refill line.

The long awaited post...
...which might not be so long.

Life is life.  I turned 30.  I got cards, and birthday wishes, some in the form of cutesy Xtian voice mails.  I had deliberately NOT said anything about my birthday to Rick, because money's been very tight and he's had a lot of stress at work, and the last thing I wanted to do was add to that stress.  He did get sneaky and get me a card, though. 

Things are all right.  I've been completing steps to get my stuff done for SjSU this fall.  I've been looking for a job.  I could go out and find some shitty telemarketing job - no problem.  But I'd be putting 3/4 of whatever I made back into the gas tank (3.61/gal here), and I'd become an utter bitch(because who isn't after working in telemarketing).  Rick doesn't want that.  However, that greatly reduces the job market, so I'm still looking.  In the meantime, I've been occupying my days with housework and games and getting in Season 1 of  'Six Feet Under'. I have a huge stack of old textbooks, so I'm trying to find someplace in town to take them all and see what they'll buy back, if any. 

In February we went to the cabin for our Anniversary.  We took Leo with us, and did things like take him to the beach and let him out in the grass next to our cabin.  Keep in mind he did these things in his walking jacket and was leashed.  And we took plethora of pictures of him, but few of us.  While we loved having him with us, we decided that next year we're leaving him here in the hands of a capable cat-sitter.  First, we think he was a little thrown by the whole ordeal, and he's been acing out and being much more butt-headed since we've been back.  Second, it's a small-ish cabin: With Leo around, we didn't get any 'ALONE' time.  But we did have fun, and he got me a new box that's beautiful, and a fossilized shark tooth, and of course we got more cheese from the Lolita cheese factory.  When we go next year we're going back to the Victorian village of Ferndale.  It'll be off-season, but there's an amazing old cemetary I want to do some grave rubbings in. 

A couple of other things:
--I'm on Depo.  No babies.  This is good.  Also no period.  This is sheer joy.

--Since about November of last year, I've been on prescription drugs for my insomnia.  Right now I take a cocktail of low dose Seroquel and a higher dose Trazadone.  This combination seems to work perfectly.  And as an added bonus - I have the most vivid dreams.  Lately there's been a plane theme to them - as in I keep dreaming about planes in some form.  One was about a concept plane that crashed, and the lone survivor went mad, but became pregnant by another survivor who technically was never there.  The other was about finding pilots for planes in a post-apocalyptic world that was finally getting back on it's feet and re-learning old technologies.  Like I said, wonderfully vivid.  I've always loved dreaming.  Now I love it even more. 

--And, since around the same time as the sleep cocktail, I've been on another prescription drug.  First spin of the Medicine Wheel has me on Effexor CR.  Is it working?  It's hard to say.  I don't notice myself being all happy and sunshiney and shit.  But I also notice it's easier to focus on what's around me, instead of what's in my head.  I have less paranoia episodes.  I haven't caught myself brooding for quite some time.  Part of it  might be that I"m actually sleeping a lot better, since the cocktail helps to shut my brain down so the body can sleep.  If there's a drawback, it's that things are slightly fuzzy at the edges.  Where before I fancied I could eavesdrop on the Ether, so to speak, now when I try I only hear faint white noise.  Remember Jon, how we used to talk about standing with one foot in each world?  I'm still doing it, only now the drug blocks me from seeing or hearing in that other world. 

I have my reasons for finally admitting defeat and weakness and going on the drug.  They are good, valid reasons all, but they're mine, and I don't wish to share them.  Aside from Rick, this is the first time I've told anyone else about going on Effexor. 

--I recently broke a promise to myself.  Unwittingly, I had constructed the promise, and the conditions for meeting it, before I met Rick.  When the due date came up, I had only two choices: Fulfill the promise, or lose all personal honour.  So, I am writing without honour.  And per the conditions of my promise, there is no way to regain that honour - ever.  The promise itself and the conditions of it are again, not something I wish to share. 

--On Saturdays, our friends Bob, Rebecca, and Craig come over, and we spend the day playing AD&D, with Bob as our GM.  I really look forward to Game day, and am glad we have something we do with other people and not just each other.  Sundays generally are ours to get groceries, then snuggle on the couch watching movies. 

--Rick's been overwhelmed at work.  Dolf, one of the IT guys retired, leaving just Rick and Mike to do the IT for ALL the two buildings and them some.  On top of that, he's been going to all these meetings and classes to learn about Database management, and in late April he's going up to Sacramento for a 2-day class on DBM.  He's also been getting some Overtime lately, so he's working long hours, pulling a double and triple workload sometimes, in addition to all this DBM stuff.  Why not pass on the OT and save stress you ask?  First for that we could really use the money, and second for that OT is very rarely ever offered to the IT department, so he's soaking up as much as he can.  When it's all said and done, though, he'll have a critical new set of skills that he can use to either push for promotion, or take with him to another job for better money and less stress.  In the meantime I've been trying to make homelife as stress-free as possible. 

I think that about covers it.  I'm here, just boring, and so not posting about boring things.