The 25th was the day the Appeals Committee was supposed to meet, and decide whether I could get my financial aid back. 

I didn't get a letter or an e-mail saying, 'Sorry, we've denied you and here's why'.  No, true to Parkland's form, I simply got this:

"Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2008 17:23:05 -0600
Subject: Appeal Denial Email

** High Priority **

If you are enrolled in classes and you wish to drop all of your classes for Spring 2008 and not be charged for those classes, you MUST print off and present this Financial Aid Appeals Denial email at the Admissions' Front Counter no later than Wednesday, January 30, 2008.

If you do NOT drop your classes, you will be responsible for tuition and fee charges.

If you have any questions, please contact your Office of Financial Aid at 217-351-2222."

Ignoring the absolute rudeness of this e-mail, I replied with:

"Hi.

I would like to drop all my classes. Without financial aid, I cannot pay for them. However, as I'm currently in California, it would be impossible for me to deliver a copy of the e-mail in person. I could mail it off, but it wouldn't go out until tomorrow, and it certainly wouldn't get there by the 30th.

Any suggestions?

Jessica Gasparini"

Thankfully, the woman wrote me back today to say that she had dropped my courses for me, and that I did not owe Parkland any money.

This denial is not a surprise, in any way.  I had such admiration for Parkland when I first started in 2004.  And I've had the privilege of learning from some spectacular instructors.   Now however, I abhor the school  All the things they've put me through, and all the bullshit I've endured - makes me immensely relieved to be DONE with them.  And I am.  My time at Parkland is over.  

In a way I'm grateful this happened.  I've needed a break from school for a very long time now.  I'd been going year 'round, with no summer break, since 2004 - and I was far past my burn out limit.  Now, I have the much needed break, and it's not like I'm going to give up on school at all.  I've already been admitted to San Jose State University, and will begin classes there in the Fall of this year.  IN the meantime, Rick is helping me with my phone and credit card bills. I am looking for a part time job, but by Rick's own admission, it'll be nigh on impossible to find one. 

So I'm doing the very best that I can at the moment.  No, I don't have any money to spend on myself, but that's unimportant in the larger context of knowing that Rick loves me enough to help me through.  And if/when there are things I truly want, he gets them for me.  As an example - he bought me a new set of dice a couple of weeks ago, because they were pretty and a metallic cobalty colour, and I've been wanting to add to my dice collection.  (We play AD&D on Saturdays.  Yes, we're proud to be geeky.)  In the next couple of weeks, he's going to get me supplies and stuff to start to teach myself how to knit, because I've wanted to learn for awhile, and because there is a pair of adorable Dalek socks he wants me to knit for him.  Therefore given all these givens - I'm not doing badly. IN fact, he's even found a way for us to go to our Cabin in the Redwoods in February, for our special Anniversary vacation.  If he didn't love me, why would he do these things?

For now then, I am simply a homemaker.  I'm taking an enforced Sabbatical from schooling.  And I'm really ok with that.

In an hour I'm going to drag to large baskets f laundry to the laundry mat, since the machines here suck balls.  Tonight I'll make him a nummy hot dinner.  I think I've accepted and embraced the fact that I've become deeply domestic.  I'm ok with that, too.